Category: Stories (Non-fiction)

Why Do We Still Have These?

“It’s starting to look like an archeological dig around here,” observed my wife as she surveyed the remnants of our technological past strewn across the floor. Indeed, an attentive anthropologist might observe the extracted layers and infer much about this monogamous couple and their humble dwelling of a quarter century. For example, our reluctance to […]

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Here’s The Pitch

Would you purchase a pledge premium from this man? Let’s play a little word-association game. In fact, let me give you an entire phrase, and you pay attention to your gut reaction. Ready? Okay, here it is: public broadcasting pledge drive. Was that a sigh of resignation or a groan of displeasure that I just heard? Oh, […]

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I Saw Her Standing There

Rube Ascending a Staircase (2015) “She’s a genius!” proclaimed Brian with equal parts amusement and resignation. I smiled at my brother, well aware of his traditional disdain for the artist in question. He hadn’t exactly changed his aesthetic opinion, I knew, but now it was augmented by a measure of respect for savvy business acumen. […]

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Eyes On The Skies

“What I really need,” I expounded at the dining table, “is some flexible plastic tubing that I can use to make super-long straws so you can lay flat on your back and still take a drink.” “That is so lazy!’ came a reprimand from the next room. Eldest daughter Amber had caught a snippet of […]

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But Ossifer…

My sense of balance is challenged even before I don the distortion goggles. Four high school seniors zipping along country back roads in the wee hours of prom night. John is driving, and I am behind him in the back seat, our dates aligned on the passenger side. We have gone out to dinner, attended […]

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Risk Management

Risk taking, like athleticism, is apparently not part of my genetic makeup. For as long as I can remember, I have looked askance at my daredevil peers and assessed their feats with the observation, “Well, that’s stupid.” Perhaps my criticism is rooted in the jealousy I feel when I see people accomplish things that I […]

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The Plexus Tuxedo Project

I’ve never known anyone with a greater capacity for taking himself too seriously than my old friend Matt. Admittedly, we knew each other best when we were teenagers, a time in which melodrama is often the norm. But even allowing for the emotion-scrambling potential of coursing hormones, Matt was in a class by himself. He […]

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Lost At Home

A last glimpse of civilization. You might think that a middle-aged man such as myself would have already taken to heart this rather obvious advice, but I should like to reiterate a helpful suggestion, as much for myself as for anyone else. Avoid unfamiliar shortcuts. Especially when you’re walking on a cloudless day when the […]

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Twenty-Two Years

Julie and I met each other on one of the first days of our freshman year in college at Ohio State. Were it not for the fact that my roommate and one of her roommates were maintaining a relationship that had started in high school, we might never have met. As it was, I gamely […]

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