Kasich Threatens To Hold Breath

Ohio’s strong-willed Republican governor, John R. Kasich, unleashed a new and unprecedented tactic in his ongoing campaign against the repeal of Senate Bill 5, which places severe restrictions on collective bargaining for public employees.

“You don’t want to know what will happen if SB5 is repealed,” Kasich told an audience of business owners at an event sponsored by the League of Wealthy Citizens on Thursday. “Because if this Issue 2 is defeated, so help me, I will hold my breath until I turn blue. I swear I will. Don’t think I don’t mean it.”

Voters will have the opportunity to decide the fate of SB5 by voting on Issue 2 in November. As worded by the Franklin County Board of Elections, a “no” vote on Issue 2 is a vote to repeal SB5. Read More

Sharpening Student Skills

When it comes to hitting the mark on test scores, one innovative educator at a San Diego charter school may be onto something. Ron Owens, a fifth-grade teacher at Cosner Exceptional Academy, has daringly defied conventional wisdom by putting pocket knives in the hands of elementary students. While many educators might cry foul at the very idea of ignoring zero-tolerance weapons policy, Owens has the full support of CEA’s CEO and principal, Horace Cosner.

“The results speak for themselves,” gloats Cosner. “Children who regularly participate in Mr. Owens’ Mumblety Peg Club score anywhere from fifteen to thirty-seven percent higher than their peers on the Language Arts and Math portions of their state STAR tests.”

Yes, mumblety peg, the quaint knife-tossing game that disappeared from schoolyards generations ago, is making a comeback thanks to Owens, and while no one can conclusively prove a causal connection, there is no denying that a correlation between the pastime and higher test scores apparently exists. What is it about this erstwhile bygone pursuit, a series of motions in which players fling knives from their wrists, elbows, shoulders and heads, that seems to sharpen student skills? Read More

Black Friday 2050


NEWSCASTER:  And now, over to NewsForYou Nine’s roving reporter Matilda Morris, who’s standing by live at the Best Buy at the Big Shoppes at Birch Meadows.  Matilda?

MATILDA:  Thanks, Kent!  For the past several months, this parking lot has been a thriving community, a curb-to-curb sea of tents and shanties that have served as a home-away-from-home for several hundred of our city’s most dedicated consumers.  They come from all walks of life, rich and poor, young and old, cyborg and android, but they are united in their passion for the latest in personal and home electronics at rock-bottom prices.  I have with me Scott and Sara Sanderson, who moved into Best Buy Bargainville in September when news was leaked that a limited supply of portable, self-adhesive wall mural televisions would be made available at the insane price of one thousand ameros.  Scott, is it worth it to put your life on hold for so long just to snag a great bargain?

SCOTT:  No doubt it’s worth it.  Last year I waited until the end of October to get in line, and I came away empty-handed.  I’m not going to let that happen again! Read More

Three Days Of Darkness


“Take that, Satan’s minion!” cried Moe.


Three Days of Darkness!


            “Good grief!” exclaimed Moe Hardee as he perused the latest Parish Post.  He ran his fingers through his blonde hair and cast a worried glance toward his brother, Hank.  “It says here that Padre Pio has prophesied Three Days of Darkness!”

            “Gee,” remarked Hank, dark-haired and one year older than seventeen-year-old Moe, “that will sure put a crimp in our boating plans!”  Hank and Moe were the sons of famous detective Denton Hardee, and they had been looking forward to a weekend expedition on Bartlett Bay with their Mayport High chums.  “Read me the details.”

            “Well, according to Padre Pio, an enormous cross in the sky will signal the imminence of three days of darkness, during which the sun will not shine and demons will run loose throughout the streets.”

            “Holy moly!” reacted Hank, whose customary reserve and lack of impulsiveness had been rattled by the startling news. Read More

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