Hostel Is A Homophone

A harrowing encounter at Harpers Ferry, unexpected expenses, and justly punctured pride.

(Also available on audio)


Trumpet Lessons

I wanted to quit my music instruction. So did my teacher.

(Also available on audio)


You’ll Probably Need Stitches

Sometimes it just makes sense to bleed in the living room.

(Also available on audio)


Broadway Boogie Woogie

Why my aunt had such eccentric decor.

(Also available on audio)


I Once Was A Man Who Lived In A Shoe

It was the only dorm in which every resident was suspended. Literally.

(Also available on audio)


Son Of A Son Of A Son Of A Son Of A Civil War Soldier

I examine the military record of my great-great grandfather.


Confidentially

What do Bugs Bunny, taking a bath, and a precocious vocabulary have in common?

(Also available on audio)


Stranger Danger

That sinking feeling when you fear you’re about to die.

(Also available on audio)


The Reluctant Athlete

It takes a prison to make me play left field.

(Also available on audio)


Dumb and Dumber

Incompetence in the kitchen.


The Annotated Edward Cramer

My earliest writing. Under a pseudonym, of course.


The Rise And Fall Of The Edward Hannon Band

From instant fame to humiliating failure, all in one month.

(Also available on audio)


Hip Hop

Crude. Irreverent. Sexist. Riding in his trash truck was the best part of my summer job.

(Also available on audio)


Hot Hot Hot

Sweltering Memphis, blazing Las Vegas, and a doomed Easter Bunny.


The Lawnmower Man

Lawn maintenance, the necessary evil.


Alice In Limaland

Be careful what you promise your children.

(Also available on audio)


The Honeymooners

Chicago, 1952. Starring my parents as the naive newlyweds.


Death By Piano

Brother Brian’s torment, my pianistic glory.


You May Say I’m A Dreamer

My recurring dreams.


Bombs Away

Some plastic darts, a little imagination, and a cardboard city.

(Also available on audio)


The Old Man And The Sea

A humbling reckoning on the Outer Banks.

(Also available on audio)


Kill The Wabbit

When the family pet is a lethal predator.


The Lost Art Of The Long-Form Obituary

A tribute from another time.


Deebies!

How to invent profanity.

(Also available on audio)


If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Africa

On safari in Ohio.

(Also available on audio)


You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away

An adolescent’s bold plan to acquire an issue of Playboy.

(Also available on audio)


The Vinyl Frontier

The playset conundrum: Mego Star Trek or Mego Planet of the Apes?

(Also available on audio)


Turkey Bowl

Past participants reflect on a bygone tradition.


I Wanted My MTV

When the M stood for music.


The Dark Sides Of The Room

At ease in the absence of light.


That’s Entertainment

Finding meta-amusement in the unlikeliest places.

(Also available on audio)


Every Boy Does Magic

Prestidigitation, the introverted boy’s rite of passage.

(Also available on audio)


Green Machine

Freedom on a recumbent three-wheeler.

(Also available on audio)


Cafeteriphobia

For me, the lunch break was just as trying as the rest of the school day.

(Also available on audio)


Tablechair!

Intimidation, mind games, and cut-throat Intellevision competition.

(Also available on audio)


Cans ‘n’ Stuff

Father-and-son heaven at the end of our street.

(Also available on audio)


Grandpa, Sasquatch & Me

Rediscovering the heart of a taciturn grandfather.

(Also available on audio)


Anxiety In Bee-Minor

Did I really take a dive in the school spelling bee?

(Also available on audio)


A Summer Place

Heaven was a quarter in the age of the five-ball pinball machine.

(Also available on audio)


The Plexus Tuxedo Project

The dissolution of a teenage songwriting partnership.

(Also available on audio)